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Better Husband
Better Husband, hosted by Men's Marriage and Relationship Coach Angelo Santiago, is the podcast for married men who want to strengthen and transform their marriages. After 12 years of marriage—including a near-divorce that became the catalyst for profound change—Angelo has dedicated himself to helping men learn the skills to be the husband their spouse deserves.
With a background in facilitating in-person men’s retreats, online men’s communities, and one-on-one coaching, Angelo brings expertise in relational dynamics, men’s issues, and the essential skills for a thriving marriage.
Each week, listeners will gain practical tools, actionable insights, and relatable stories. If you’re ready to communicate better, resolve conflicts effectively, and deepen your intimacy, Better Husband is your guide to answering the question, “How can I be a better husband?”
Better Husband
044|The Harshest Voice in Your Marriage Might Be Your Own—and Why That’s a Problem
🎯 Want to Be a Better Husband? Download the Better Husband Toolkit—a short, powerful guide with three essential skills you can start using today to improve your marriage. Get yours now at www.betterhusbandtoolkit.com.
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In this episode, we’re talking about the voice in your head that does the most damage. The one that tells you you’re worthless when you fall short, or flips the blame on your wife when things get tense. That voice is contempt. Whether it pulls you down into shame or pushes you up into superiority, it poisons connection.
You’ll learn how contempt shows up in daily life, how to demote the Adaptive Child that still drives your reactions, and how to step into your Wise Adult so you can live with respect for yourself and for her.
🔑 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✅ The two ways contempt hijacks your marriage: shame (one down) and grandiosity (one up)
✅ Why contempt makes it nearly impossible to connect, repair, or feel close
✅ The difference between your Adaptive Child and your Wise Adult
✅ Four practices to step off the contempt conveyor belt
✅ How living from respect changes the way your wife experiences you
💡 Key Takeaway:
Contempt, whether aimed at yourself or your wife, is poison. Respect is the antidote. When you step off the contempt conveyor belt and live from your Wise Adult, you stop tearing down and start building the kind of marriage where your wife feels safe, steady, and cared for.
🔨 Action Steps This Week:
1️⃣ Catch one contemptuous thought this week. It might be aimed at you: “You’re such a screw-up.” Or at her: “She’s impossible.” Write it down. Just naming it breaks the cycle.
2️⃣ Dispute it with grounded truth. Instead of “I’m an idiot” → “I made a mistake, but I’m still okay.” Instead of “She’s impossible” → “She’s struggling, and I can choose how I respond.”
3️⃣ Practice the mantra daily. Say it in the mirror, in the car, or under your breath when the shame voice gets loud: “I am enough, and I matter.”
4️⃣ Breathe yourself back to center. When you slip one down into shame or one up into superiority, pause. Take a breath. Remind yourself: Equal. Not above her. Not beneath her. Just human, together.
🧠 Reflection Questions:
❓ What does the voice in my head sound like when I fall short?
❓ How often do I put myself one down in shame, or one up in superiority?
❓ What would change in my marriage if I stepped off the contempt conveyor belt and lived from respect instead?
❓ How would my wife experience me differently if I lived more from my Wise Adult than my Adaptive Child?
Ready to Take Action?
🚨 Watch the FREE Better Husband Workshop → BetterHusbandSecrets.com
Questions?
📩 Email Me → angelo@angelosantiago.com